dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
