So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
