i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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