I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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