Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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