i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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