Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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