it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
