are you still at the devil's house?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
