I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
