this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
