this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
