The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
