I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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