I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
