I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
