I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
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I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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