He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Randomize
