My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
