I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
