Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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