I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
