look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
