Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
