Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she told me i tasted like america
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
