my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
