I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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