Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
