I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
