i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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