I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
