Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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