I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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