I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
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What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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