There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
