literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
