I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
