My liver just broke up with me...
I think my fart just growled at me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
