Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I could teleport
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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