dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
