so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
