im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize