Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
