im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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