They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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