things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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