I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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