have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
