Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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