if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
