I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
