I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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