Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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