Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
