There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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