you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
