Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
