Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
