I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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