we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize