God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
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im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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