Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
