i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
