Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
