Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
