Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
