Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
