my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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