i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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