there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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