I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How does it feel to date your dad?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
