shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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