oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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