im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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