the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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