I'm going to jail i love you
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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